apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
