He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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