I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
