You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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