Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
