she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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