What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
