hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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