im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
