I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
