Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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