turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
