Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
