The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
