I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
