i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
