When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
