today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
