my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dick very happy bro
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
