Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
