best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
