saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
