i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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