Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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