Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
