My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
