Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
