So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
