I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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