so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
