I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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