Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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