I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
