Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
