Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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