If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
