Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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