I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
