i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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