Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
