Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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