Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
