I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
