he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
