It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
