but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
