I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
