They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
