There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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