i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
