I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
