the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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