So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
