I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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