When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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