We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
